communication

Communication Loop and Words of Love

by Rebecca Authement

There is something in Communication skills called a feedback loop. Paying attention to how statements about yourself are handled by the other person gives you a good clue as to whether that person's focus is really about wanting to know more about you or just tell you more about themselves and hook you deeper into their needs.

When you are getting to know a new person try not to focus too deeply on their words of love. That is not about you at all! People can say I love you all day long and not ask a single question about your life or show an ounce of interest in you. "I love you" is really an expression of their feelings not their understanding of you.

Throw out a feeling or better yet an opinion of your own and see how the person responds. There are two ways to respond. One is to mirror….ie "Oh I feel that way too"...at which point the person may either share a short story then ask a question to further clarify what you said, or go with the other response and take off on a long story of how that is important to them and never get back to you.

The lesson here isn't that one is bad and the other is good, its about a tendency to constantly do one or the other. The person who is a good listener and wants to get to know you will be more anxious to have you complete the loop with additional information. The person who is just trying to impress you so without taking a strong interest in you will constantly favor the long story. If all you ever get from someone is the long version this person may be nice but he is not for you.